But, DA;s software is inconsistent: one day I can upload a poem,
the next not, although choosing the same category ...
its so bloody frustrating....

Once in awhile I do "confessional" poetry. Its not highly regarded except
by the politically correct, or unless its by Joyce Carol Oates. However, I understand
the motivation, and the Muse....
The longest-lasting poetry seems to be by those high masters of the lyric,
or the Ballade, or by the masters of the psyche,  and by those masters of the epic
- whether public or private epics, mythological or real....and...by masters of high occasions.....
...in the last century or two: Auden, Yeats, Keats, Coleridge, Byron, Shelley....
....truly with Antennae, per old 'Ez ...

My subjects for poetry, are emotions, recollected in (relative) tranquility,
...suspension of disbelief (...the two last concepts conceived not be me of course)
art, historical and intellectual history, my children,  psychology, polemics.....
from some simple perspectives to to the outre, obscure, and conceits embodied...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In Memoriam - Elegy For Another Spirit's Passing


You left an evening in Winter – December or before

All my Decembers have been foreboding

(Foreboding a few weeks, then light and squeals)

But the day I heard you had left

The Roses were still in their Vases

An Old Table was set as it was, so ancient,

Notes seen and heard lingered as before, and

The White Owl hooted and almost swooped inside

Hooted through out the night

Hooted through out the night

As before and still does, at the deepest time,

When I'm thinking, -- sleeping, dreaming,

At that time, when I had thought of eternity shared

An eternity a waited -- for spirits split for millennia, then -- rejoined

But something surfaced, persisted, materialized for you

Ending an epoch  -- and pulled you to that distant shore

And I was not surprised

And I was happy for you

The Owl still hoots, and there are still songs and dreams

For the Owl to relate

                                                       
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Upon A Night

A quiet night bedeviled
by more that gnaws then heals
as solitude, which is by all
accounts quiet balm, but not to me
who must now seek my own
the true offspring old men
so lately crave, as they when young
- so more it tore at them then for years
while wasting and frittering
on work we knew would lead no where
we would arrive happily.
Hence the Art which still remains
so silent that few, a few
who know their own 'let rivers
as I have learned those small rivers
of life's great flows of people, events
proceeding from place to place
from place to place.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

       Love's Windings

It is always saddening when
Two souls who knew and met
On Another Earth pass by
Each, One who knows, and
One who doesn't, or care
Nor feel the Phantom Cord
That will be left to Disappear
And not provide the better
New family warmth amidst
A grimy and mean and dumb
Society peopled by Jean Valjean's
Insect Judge, and those, who young,
And Schooled without  a parent
Without the empathy of Arts
That are unknown, so fine and pure
And hardly no one is suspecting, in
The age of Oprah and Pols and Rap
That stay the partnerships  of better
So much that evolution itself
will halt, and you will still mark
these words or mock these words
and only one's white plume will still
haunt and last to the last,
and to the last small breath
that I hope shall be briefly forgotten –
but never for ever, and Never for ever
Love's searches for another.

Sidney Orlovitz


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have noticed that among a very few other celebs, Renee Fleming is not full of herself, and is one of the least pretentious celebs I have observed in 4 decades or so:       [link]
===================================================
Something more for National Poetry Month in April 2013: George Seferis

Άρνηση
Στο περιγιάλι το κρυφό
κι άσπρο σαν περιστέρι
διψάσαμε το μεσημέρι•
μα το νερό γλυφό.

Πάνω στην άμμο την ξανθή
γράψαμε τ' όνομά της•
ωραία που φύσηξεν ο μπάτης
και σβήστηκε η γραφή.

Με τι καρδιά, με τι πνοή,
τι πόθους και τι πάθος
πήραμε τη ζωή μας• λάθος!
κι αλλάξαμε ζωή.

Denial
In a hidden seashore
white as a dove
we found ourselves in midday, thirsty,
but the water undrinkable.

On the golden sand
we wrote her name,
how beautifully the breeze came
and erased the writing.

We started our life with all our heart,
all our breath, all our passion -- a mistake!
and we changed our life.

[link]
......put another way....you can't go home again...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I am somewhat into Carpenter's Auden biography. Its dense, and rewarding,
although a reader might not like what they read.
Remember some of the best of Auden though:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Again, while it is a great blessing that a man no longer has to be rich in order to enjoy the masterpieces of the past, for paperbacks, first-rate color reproductions, and stereo-phonograph records have made them available to all but the very poor, this ease of access,  if misused — and we do misuse it — can become a curse. We are all of us tempted to read more books, look at more pictures, listen to more music than we can possibly absorb, and the result of such gluttony is not a cultured mind but a consuming one; what it reads, looks at, listens to is immediately forgotten, leaving no more traces behind than yesterday's newspaper."
— W. H. Auden, Secondary Worlds (1967)

Is this prescient, or not????
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Lullaby" by W.H. Auden

"Lay your sleeping head, my love,
Human on my faithless arm;
Time and fevers burn away
Individual beauty from
Thoughtful children, and the grave
Proves the child ephemeral:
But in my arms till break of day
Let the living creature lie,
Mortal, guilty, but to me
The entirely beautiful.

Soul and body have no bounds:
To lovers as they lie upon
Her tolerant enchanted slope
In their ordinary swoon,
Grave the vision Venus sends
Of supernatural sympathy,
Universal love and hope;
While an abstract insight wakes
Among the glaciers and the rocks
The hermit's carnal ecstasy.

Certainty, fidelity
On the stroke of midnight pass
Like vibrations of a bell
And fashionable madmen raise
Their pedantic boring cry:
Every farthing of the cost,
All the dreaded cards foretell,
Shall be paid, but from this night
Not a whisper, not a thought,
Not a kiss nor look be lost.

Beauty, midnight, vision dies:
Let the winds of dawn that blow
Softly round your dreaming head
Such a day of welcome show
Eye and knocking heart may bless,
Find our mortal world enough;
Noons of dryness find you fed
By the involuntary powers,
Nights of insult let you pass
Watched by every human love."

January 1937
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Horsemeat in Britain - didn't take long

Within hours of the news that Tesco's  'all beef hamburgers'  contained 30% horse meat, these quips hit the Internet:

 I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse … I guess Tesco just listened.
 Anyone want a burger from Tesco? Yay or neigh?
 Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle.
 Waitress in Tesco asked if I wanted anything on my Burger … so I had a £5 each way bet!
 Had some burgers from Tesco for my tea last night … I still have a bit between my teeth.
 A woman has been taken into hospital after eating horse meat burgers from Tesco. Her condition is said to be stable.
 Tesco's now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn.
 I've just checked the Tesco burgers in my freezer ... AND THEY'RE OFF.
 Tesco now forced to deny presence of zebra in burgers, as shoppers confuse barcodes for serving suggestions.
 Said to the missus, "These Tesco burgers  'ave given me terrible trots."
 To beef or not to beef. That is equestrian.
 A cow walks into a bar. Barman says, "Why the long face?". Cow says "Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!"
 I hear the smaller version of those Tesco burgers make great horse d'oeuvres.

These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit. Talk about flogging a dead …
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will return to summaries of some memorable events in recent years:
2002
  a very good year at PGE
  one engagement with a pro photag in SF - great shots of me in business attire
  (the one and only engagement with a pro - it didn't take long for me to realize I could do better myself)
2003
 continuing digital art experiments - since 1999 --....artsig
  ...finishing engagement at PGE...could've stayed longer
 a frustrating short engagement at EDS after PGE - they wanting mainframe skills long unused, dormant
2004
 desperate times financially
 my first letters and communiques with a certain muse, at Artsig
 started a rather good engagement at Sandisk
2005
  finished a longish engagement at Sandisk in Sunnyvale - remembering many blocks of empty office bldgs
  A hellish engagement in Ft Smith Ark at Beverly - an emotional and bad consulting manager
  This year, and as all preceding, for a decade, and all subsequent, weekly outings with my children....
  With the children, always, countless pleasures in parks, walks, cinema, beach, golf, Santa Cruz, SF
Late in the year, after much correspondence with an unknown lady at an
    art site, she reveals more of herself to me re her work as a professional
    musician -      a prominent one, who relishes Art as an escape from the
    stressful world of the Opera - from the inside, at least....

2006
 
  My first classroom experience in Music for many years - a survey of the Opera
  The muse reveals herself in actuality, during the first class I have attended in
  many years - a history of Opera - I revel in a new art form and my new
  muse....I learn much  
   I start an engagement as an employee of an unusually sympatico IT company,
   SPL
  This winter is a harsh one for my muse - a child lost

2007
  Much of the year banished to my cottage, a strange and unexpected "accident",
 cookies from Erin(!)
  Betrayal by a muse and confidant
  A meeting with a Muse, in person and Jeanne as photographer at Zellerbach
 Berkeley    (I said the wrong thing to the muse, she turns her back and walks
  off)
2008
   Oracle buys a smaller, successful IT company, and unpleasant cultural changes,
   of course.
   Return to under the same roof as my children
   Travels for Oracle to MN, Virginia Beach, Portland ISO
2009
   John and Deirdre at Moss landing....
   An adventure, long-planned, disappointed, and with it, a return to a more realistic world view
   My first serious surgery - orthopedic - and, thankfully, the end of many years of pain
   Confined to a hellish "old age" center - for "rehab" after my operation - against several who
     advised against this - but refused comfort and shelter by my Ex at my own house....
   ....earlier memories of 2009:
  A good conversation with Tom Steen and Bronc (last of the male Jacksons)
  Good movies with David and Becky: Avatar (beautiful) and Sherlock Holmes (revisionist)
  Extreme anxiety + pain + unproductive at Oracle  in runup to surgery all thiis year
  Trip to Disneyland with David, Becky, Suzie
  Dean Kanas stranded, out of work during the holidays
  A surprise Facebook greeting from Guy Max Orlovitz
  unsuccessful dating! ....Peggy T,...but Dr Linda B remains...
  New Years Eve dinner at Takara (sans Suzy - with Chris - substantial relationship))
  SF Ballet nutcracker with the children - beautiful and opulent but distant
  Tara Mc.... a new lady,  tenant in my cottage
  DPI reunion last Aug and seeing all (Janice Thorburg, Puorros, et al...)
  meetings with Shir Hadash and Rabbi Melanie + the yahrzeits she mentioned this year
  Jeannes old trailer moved early in year to Laverne, filled now with books & donations
  meetings with JCC re art
  Meeting with John and Deirdre at Zelda's + Dr Linda first meeting....
  A good conversation with Bennett
  Great printing on fabric at DPI in SF
  Visit to NW to see Rhonda, Jay, Miles, Sally...
  First and last scene at F-M (Lorrett, Estrella) + subsequent writings
  Moved storage possessions to larger facility with David
  Aunt Rela passing
  Carole Sue Steen Kelly passing
  Uncle Loren passing
 Jeanne's offer to stay in SF - Jeanne to Egypt with Mark in Jan
 Late Oct Left Hip Replacement by Los Gatos Surgeon, with no time for a second opinion
 World Series Yankees + Boston at Rehab Center
 surgery trauma + rehab facility trauma and anxiety + visits
 HELLISH REHAB CENTER CHERRY BLOSSOM FOR 11 DAYS AFTER HIP  
 REPLACEMENT -  ANYA HAD  REFUSED HELP AT HOME
 Visits by Jeanne, R'Melanie and Anya/Kids to Rehab Center
 Exit old redneck tenant Lisa....
 Becky's 13th b-day Bowling party
 movies: avatar, a Cristmas carol (jim carrey), princess & the frog, planet 51,  
 bedtime stories,  g-force, (terminators with David),
 hampster super spies, distract 9 with David,  UP,
 finding neverland, HP move: the half-blood prince
..............
2010

  Severe foot surgery in Santa Cruz for the long-delayed bunion - Dr Lee's bad idea to
    postpone this for a decade+ had severe consequences ....
  Rehab for foot at Jeanne's and Mark's first house at The Villages in San Jose
  A Car accident with my daughter, who was unhurt, but, for myself,  - more  
 pain   - for a few years to come
  The NutCracker - this time in Sf - inferior to San Jose - one of the last with all three children...

2011

  A pleasant time with the children, but pain-filled first half of the year with Arthritis - albeit perhaps
   the last six months in my house of 32 years ....
  A successful surgery for my youngest daughter's Epilepsy at UCSF
    - and scorn and nausea for EIGHT years of bad medicine from STANFORD mds
  Another successful surgery for a spine fusion for moi at UCSF - relief from pain!!!! great technology and surgeon!!
     .....rehab in SF at Jeanne's...my ex again refused  me to rehab at home with the children....
  Memorable readings at Jeanne's in SF....Parker....several Roman A Clef...
  The Ex went back on her promises of equal custody and an evil judge - Jean Valjean's - sided with her
  Surprise at the Evil and Brazen Lies from adults who should know better
  Spine surgery and freedom from most pain!!!!
  Rehabbing in a home in SF.....went around Jeanne's old haunts and walks...charming neighborhoods...
  A TERRIBLE mistake to leave my house w/o being ordered to do so!
  (my ex should've moved and been with her criminal-- 18 arrests, one felony conviction
    - Jean Valjean's judge thought nothing of such a parent-model - infinitely unjust and frustrating!)
 Re-connected with one wonderful old friend - who repaid many times over
     goodness I brought her way several decades ago! Truly, bread cast on the the waters....  
 Jean Valjean's Judge (ignores the letter AND spirit of the law)
     - an ensuing long missal to the Calif Supreme Court is in the works ....
  UNJUSTIFIED, unreasonable separation from my children, except on weekends.... has been the bane of my
  existence from this year onward...
  Resumed programming and software engineering...a very good intellectual discipline.....
  I remain FULL of art for future work, and satisfy myself for the present with revisions of previous work,    
  ....and small commissions for stock for artwork to come.....
 
2012

many fine weekend outings with my children:
   Legion of Honor in SF - wonderful Rodin sculptures aplenty!
   Palace of Fine Arts in SF - indigenous tribal art exhibits... wondrous Impressionists  
   and Dutch Masters!     a tour of SF Bay historical-Mission-Mexican history places
   for my son's class project...
   movies a plenty, and frankly the greatest enjoyment, aside from the few I've seen
   by myself has been seeing them, except for a few, with my childen, and a few with
                           a dear old friend...
                           Merrigold Hotel, John Carter, Skyfall, Argo,
                           Sherlock Holmes A Game...Cloud Atlas, ParaNorman, Big Miracle,
                           Anna Karenina,
                           The Hunger Games, Snow White and the Huntsman,  Brave,
                           The amazing spider-man, Madagascar 3, The Hobbit,
                           Hotel Transylvania,
                           The Avengers, Lincoln, Lincoln Vampire Killer, The Life Of Pi,
                           The Grey
Seeing my eldest daughter during the holidays - otherwise an uncommunicative -  daughter -  at the end of the year, was such a pleasure!
house-hunting with a benefactor..... successful!!!
.....found, moved 3+ hours drive from the SF Bay area - to nearly as lovely an area as the Santa Cruz Mountains, and, another chance at a startup - the 3rd time may be the charm ....already experienced two ill-fated ones -
.....1 year each - in the dot-com era...
.....Along with many thousands of others....frustrations with WFB - now resolved to file a suit in Federal/State Court

2013
  My new abode is largely empty, and a year ++ of unpacking and design remain...
  hundreds of pictures to hang, repair, or repair/matte..... thousands of books and
  records - now would be the time for setting up a bookshop!!!!
  Cirque du Soleil the movie with the children.... stunning.... cold, though....
  Le Miserables...the movie....wonderful, if one likes Recitative from beginning to
  end, and no discernible beginning or end to the melodies - NOR rhythm  anywhere - a first-year composition student
     could have done MUCH MUCH better...a shame given the great story...
  The Impossible - moving, of course
  Boardwalk Golfing with Becky
  Zero Dark Thirty
  Work in earnest at a startup
  loose ends from my move - the Piano will be the last to come - March,
  it appears... Hanon--- here I come hahahaha
  Abandoning Rhonda B - finally received her message - after more than a decade of wonderful conversations -and -
    when I needed those... I have those good memories anyway.....
    - she prefers a plainer, duller sort - but handy around the house! Good luck to he!
  Super Bowl weekend in SCruz with almost lifelong friends- and a call to a
  classmate in NZ
  .....girding loins for a return to resist an evil Judge and other legal adventures
  seeking JUSTICE.....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have worked my through most of Robert Parker's "Spenser" books - almost twice in the past three years - its wonderful escapist fare - for me, at least.... I just finished LeCarre's "The Mission Song" ...and found the style more interesting than the substance - almost the opposite of Mr Parker's Cowboy ethic.... But, I will certain read more LeCarre...and.....am quite overdue to return to John Fowles, and Borges, and storytelling mastery..The "Patterson" genre is OK, but, I also recently read "The Butterfly And The Diving Bell", and "Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee".... ..and found both style and (heartbreaking) substance..... recently read Asimov's "Foundation"...and in short, found it wanting in quality, and Asimov to be overrated as a writer, not a stylist, or master of character, does not begin to approach Tolkien in the related Genres... except of course for his sheer prolific polymath accomplishments....Have discovered Carlos Fuentes - in translation, at least, and his delightful very recent Grand Guignolish "VLAD"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Grateful Children" is one of the truest oxymorons.
It was an oxymoron from the beginning. Shakespeare wrote
a great play with the concept.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zen Judaism
                   (....revisited from my journal of years ago)

                                        --------

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

(or... anxiety... )
_____  

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?
_____  

Drink tea and nourish life.
With the first sip... joy.
With the second... satisfaction.
With the third, peace.
With the fourth, a danish.
_____  

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.
_____  

Accept misfortune as a blessing.
Do not wish for perfect health
Or a life without problems.
What would you talk about?
_____  

The journey of a thousand miles
Begins with a single "oy."
_____  

There is no escaping karma.
In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never
visited.
And whose fault was that?
_____  

Zen is not easy.
It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have?
Bupkes.
_____  

The Tao does not speak.
The Tao does not blame.
The Tao does not take sides.
The Tao has no expectations.
The Tao demands nothing of others.
The Tao is not Jewish.
_____  

Breathe in. Breathe out.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your
problems.
_____  

Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as the wooded glen.
And sit up straight.
You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.
_____  

Be patient and achieve all things.
Be impatient and achieve all things faster.
_____  

To Find the Buddha, look within.
Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist.
_____  

To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the
following:
Get rid of the motorcycle.
What were you thinking?
_____  

Be aware of your body.
Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a
terminal illness.
_____  

The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself."
The Buddha says there is no "self."
So, maybe you are off the hook.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My move - from near-homelessness - wrought by an uncaring woman, and followed by years
of living on the kindness of friends - is nearly done. Literally, blood sweat and tears to move a hoarder's
several households assembled over the years.....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A new abode - in mountains near Yosemite -  Coarsegold -  unfortunately nearly 200 miles away - awaits a monstrous move of of my dusty belongings...

A start-up IT company is beckoning - the possibility of great things -

I have a great case building for recusing and impeaching a municipal judge - the modern-day equivalent of Jean Valjean's judge...

Recently, I attended services and said Kaddish for my Mother's Yahrzeit, as I do for my parents, brother, and Grandparents.

I shall defer suggesting the downside of any of the above or other matters .....all the downsides seem very unlikely, at least....
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A fine and discerning article thefantasim just wrote on the gothic and horror groups on DA:
[link]

 For many years, my own horror scenes have been
from dreams of unique and gothic places recalled with horror, primarily those that
were encountered during a time of depression: a funery flower arrangement
strikes such a chord - have you ever experienced the sudden depression,
or fright, or anxiety, from a _place_?